What Exactly Is Chemistry? And How Important It Really Is?

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Imagine this scenario: You meet an attractive person on a dating website and tonight it's finally your date with them. You are nervous, excited and looking forward to seeing how it goes with this person.  You finally see them and they are as cute as in their pictures but once the conversation started, it doesn't feel natural. It feels forced and you are struggling to find something to talk about and avoid awkward moments of silence. Is it because you are an introvert? or perhaps it's just a lack of chemistry? 

You know something is off but you want to be polite and continue the date, however, the other person doesn't want to continue and it's very blunt about it. They might say something like "You are very nice, but I don't feel any chemistry so let's not waste each other's time."

 Even when you knew something was off, you still feel rejected and you can't help to wonder if there's something wrong with you. Well, there's probably nothing wrong with you. A lack of chemistry is quite common in the dating world, but what it is exactly? and we are not talking about the study of matter.  The kind of chemistry we are talking about is often described as a "feeling" that two people get when they share a special connection. 

For some people having chemistry with someone means that the conversations flow easily, that you feel that you have known that person for a long time even when you just met but it also means lust. Lots of lust.

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I think chemistry is a combination of both. But for many people chemistry is everything and if they don't feel it during the first 5 minutes of a date, they don't bother talking to that person ever again.

Some dating coaches and psychologists argue that chemistry is misleading because it doesn't predict that a relationship will last as chemistry is a temporary feeling that fades with time. It can also make you blind to notice some warning signs. Others argue that chemistry is important because if you don't have it this will cause problems in the future.

I do think chemistry has some importance, but it's mostly sexual. I believe that what many people call a "spark" it's just a strong sexual desire that you can even feel for someone that you did not find physically attractive at first.

Chemistry is essential, but I think only for the first couple of months or years of a relationship as it's something temporary that will continue to fade with time and after it's over, what's left? A lot of couples get married because they still had that chemistry feeling but as soon it's over, they realized they had nothing in common and can't fix their problems.  It's important, but it's not everything.

Do I need chemistry to make my relationship work? The question is yes. But it's just one part of a relationship, and not the most important. You need to have both chemistry and compatibility to make it work and last a long time.