How to talk to women when you are an introvert man?

This is probably the most asked question from single introvert 

men and it still puzzles me because I don’t get why so many men

 believe there is like a magic trick or a spell to make women fall in

 love with them, there really isn’t, but then again, I am a straight 

woman, I have no idea how it is to date women but I feel that I can 

give some insight from the perspective of an introvert woman.

Women generally expect men to be assertive, that means giving 

the first step, approaching the woman, asking for her 

number, calling her, asking her out, call back to set a second date 

and you might think this is unfair, you might think that women

should also give the first step sometimes, but we didn’t make

 this up, society did and it has been like that since forever. I don’t

 agree with it but unless everyone is a feminist, we are gonna have

 to play by the rules.

As a woman, I never have been assertive towards a guy, even if I

 really like him because I was raised believing than a woman who

 do that is seen as “easy” and men don’t like easy women, so I 

would just have to wait for the guy I like to approach me and this 

almost never happened because I mostly was attracted to shy guys

 who never made the first move so I ended up dating mostly 

extrovert men. Now that I am an adult and I had learned so much, I 

think I would have done things differently if I go back in time, 

maybe give a little push to those shy guys so they would know I

 was interested in them, hey maybe even go talk to them in a 

friendly way, trying to be her friend but I didn’t do it because I was 

afraid, I didn't want them to see me in a bad way and this is exactly

 what also happens to introvert men, they are afraid to approach 

women and that's why they don’t it so. how can they do it then?

I am going to tell you how I would have wanted those shy guys to

 approach me. I wouldn't have mind if they were nervous, I actually

 I would had think it was extremely cute. I am going to tell you a

 story, when I was in high school, a guy once stopped me in school

 to introduce me his friend, the guy was really cute but also very 

shy, I got as embarrassed as him so I just said “hi” and smile to

 him, and leave as quickly as possible because I was probably as 

red as a tomato. I really liked this guy but I was so nervous and shy

 that I couldn't even get near him, so I waited, I waited for him to

 approach me, to ask me out and it never happened. A year later, he

 was dating someone else, a girl who probably wasn't as shy and 

stupid like I was. I lost the chance with him because I was afraid.

 Being afraid stop us for doing things we would like to do, it 

paralyzes us. I feel that sometimes it is better to risk a rejection 

rather than never know what would have happened, at least with

 the “no” you get an answer rather than wondering all your life.

See, women are not that difficult, we either like you or we don't, so

 you don't have to speak like Shakespeare or be the funniest guy or

 the coolest one, if we think you are cute, we are not going to care

 about that but we would prefer if you approach us first, just go 

ahead and say something like: “Hey, how are you? I just wanted to 

talk to you because I think you are pretty and I would like to get to

 know you more so if you don't mind, I would like to ask you for 

your number.” If she is attracted to you, she is going to give you

 her number, that's why dating it is so easy for good looking people,

 now for not so good looking people it is harder and this wouldn't 

work, because if I guy I don't like, approach me this way, I am not

 going to find it cute at all, I just would want him to go away and

 leave me alone, so if you are not good looking, I wouldn't suggest 

you to do this, instead, you are going to have to gain her trust.

I wasn’t exactly attracted to my boyfriend when I first met him, he

 wasn't ugly, but he wasn't my type neither after our first date I was

 sure that nothing would happen with him but he kept talking to me,

 he kept texting me, in a friendly way of course, he never insisted 

on going out again with him, he didn't flirt with me and I am glad

 he didn't because I would probably have blocked him if he did 

even after I told him I wasn't interested so we remain friends and

 our friendship grew, and I started having feelings for him because

 he was attentive, funny, caring and we had so much in common, so

 I decided to give another chance, he didn't ask me for it, it was my

 decision! I asked if we could do a movie day, he agreed with it and

 we did in his house, in was in the middle of “The Dark Knight” 

when I decided to go for the kiss, because I wanted to know if I in

 fact like him as man or not, and I did, because I like that kiss a lot 

and that is how our relationship started and now we have been 

together for more than 3 years.

In conclusion, all women are different just like all men are 

different, and maybe some women are not going to like you even if

 you are nice and funny, you cant blame them or think there is 

something wrong with you, there is probably nothing wrong with

 you, its just life, you just have to find the right woman, the woman

 who is going to like you for who you are, and if she likes you who

 you are, then you don't really have to do much but just being 

yourself, just don't be creepy.



Kathy L. Vélez