photo: girleffect
When I read my old diaries from when I was 11 to 17, I
can’t help, but to shake my head about how naive and ignorant I was about sex,
love and dating. The true is that, I knew nothing.
Most of the things I
learned about sex, love and dating came from movies and TV. When I was growing
up talking about sex was a big taboo for everyone, but it always has been worse
for girls, to the point of being completely shamed just for thinking about it.
Looking back now as an adult with a lot more knowledge
about those things, I wish I could go back to my 11-year-old self and tell her
all these things:
1. Sex Is
Not Shameful
There’s nothing wrong about wanting to have sex and,
there’s nothing shameful about consensual sex between two adults. Women have always been ashamed for expressing
sexuality, which It’s just ridiculous, because as humans we all are sexual
creatures, except if you are asexual of course, but that’s another topic.
It’s completely
normal to want sex and it doesn’t have to mean something. You can have sex with
someone just because you feel physically attracted to them, not because you
love them or want a relationship with them.
2. Sex Is Not Just Intercourse
When it comes to sex, it seems like most people only know
about reproduction rather than sexuality. Intercourse is the only way to
reproduce through sex, but it’s not the only way to achieve pleasure or have
intimacy with someone.
Actually, most women can’t orgasm with intercourse
alone. There are many sexual practices that can bring lots of pleasure to a
person and everyone has different preferences and fantasies. Some people might
prefer to get an orgasm through oral sex, masturbation, anal or vaginal
penetration or other ways.
What’s important is that you know your body, find
out what you like and don’t be ashamed for not knowing it yet, study, read, go
online, and explore your body.
photo: wellandgood
3. Passion
Is Not Love
The type of “love” that we mostly see in movies, it’s not
really love, but passion. Women often said that they want to feel “butterflies”
during a first date, and they believe those butterflies mean chemistry, but
those “butterflies’ feelings” are only strong sexual attraction.
Passion is not
forever as it fades away with time, but love can last forever if you are with
the right person.
4. Marriage
Is Not an Obligation
Marriage is not always a happy ending, but it is an ending
to a different lifestyle, and this can make you either happy or unhappy.
There’s a reason why the divorce rating is so
high; people are getting married expecting to be happy forever, but marriage
takes hard work and it doesn’t work for everyone. And, let’s be honest, a lot
of people get married just to please their family or society, but you
have a choice and there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to get married.
5. Not
Everyone Can Be Monogamous
Monogamy is a decision. Some people can be monogamous forever, and some people don’t. Don’t feel ashamed to express your own
thoughts and desires, if you feel you can’t be attached to one single person your
whole life, then don’t be, just be honest with yourself and with the person you
are dating.
6. You
Will Love More Than One Person
“True love” and “soul mate” are the biggest lies society
teaches women. It’s simply not real. There’s not one special person for
you. The reality is that you can and probably will love more than one person in
your lifetime, even at the same time. Love doesn’t have limitation, you can
love as many people as possible.
7. Don’t
Put Men in Pedestals
I believe that this society brainwashed women into putting
men in pedestals, somehow, they believe every man is a white knight that comes
to rescue her. You cannot be surprised when so many women ended up being hurt
when they come to face the reality and realized that everything they believed
about men and love were just fairy tales.
Men are not raised in the same way than us, they don’t have
the high expectations for a relationship that this society put in our heads. This society teaches women that is normal for
us to leave everything behind for a man: her family, her friends, her career,
even her own identity just for the sake of love, but this is never expected of
a man.
No one is perfect, but you don’t have to settle down for
less neither. Love should be reciprocating,
you give according to what you received. No more
and no less.
photo: beliefnet
8. Compatibility Is More Important Than Chemistry
You don’t have a partner to just kiss,
cuddle and do romantic stuff with. If that’s the reason, then you shouldn’t get into
a relationship in the first place, because you can do all that stuff with
people who are not your partners.
A relationship is about compatibility,
trust and communication. That person should be both your best friend and your
partner. You should always been on the same page and motivate and support
each other to achieve their goals.
If you partner it’s not helping you become
a better person, then why bother to be with them?
9. Find
Someone Who Loves Your Independence
It’s hard to believe it, but it still happens in 2019.
Independent successful women struggle more to find a partner, than
women who make less money or don’t even work. Women has progressed so much in
the past 50 years, but men haven’t progressed as much, and many are still stuck
in the 1960’s with the ideas of them being the ones leading, while women just
follow them around.
Don’t let this frustrate you, there is nothing with you,
it’s them, focus on finding someone that won’t be intimated by your
independence, but will love and encourage it. Yes, those men do exist.
10. Always
Put Yourself First
Just because you are in relationship, doesn’t mean you have
to forget about yourself. Your happiness should always come first than
everything else. Sometimes you just have to a bit selfish because you shouldn’t
be responsible for someone else’s happiness.
Also, be brave enough to get out
of a situation if you don’t feel happy or comfortable.
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