A Look Into A Relationship Between An INTJ and An INFJ

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People often ask if certain personality types are compatible. And, one that introverts ask often it's between an INFJ and an INTJ. Well, I am an INTJ woman in a relationship with an INFJ man, so I thought I could bring some insight into our relationship as well as tips and advice about how to make it work.

INTJ's and INFJ's are actually quite similar: we both value our solitude, we enjoy meaningful conversations and we are passionate about our hobbies and interests. My boyfriend and I met through our mutual love for British TV series Doctor Who, and once we started chatting, we found out that we had many other mutual interests.

In the past, I dated other personality types, mostly extroverts and it never worked with any of them because they didn't understand my need for alone time or my quirky interests. When I started dating my boyfriend, I finally felt understood.

INFJ's are great, but they are feelers, and that means that they require more attention than INTJ's and at times, for INTJ's they can look a bit needy. At first, it can be annoying, but then you get used to it.

In the beginning, my boyfriend and I would only see each other on the weekends, and that was more than enough for me, but my INFJ boyfriend sometimes wanted more time with me. He would get a little upset if we didn't have much time during the weekend and then asked if he could see me on weeknights.

 I didn't like going out or just doing anything on days I worked. After a long day of interaction with people, I just wanted to be alone in my room and watch a movie or write about something.  But, when you are in a relationship sometimes you have to make compromises. And, we agreed to meet one weeknight a week.

INFJ's are also more sentimental than INTJ's. When we started our relationship, my boyfriend showered me with love letters and other romantic tokens. I appreciated it, but INTJ women don't really need that kind of stuff to feel loved, and sometimes we find it too cheesy or corny. But, I loved him, so I accepted it.

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As our relationship kept growing, he didn't do it as often anymore, but he is still definitely more sentimental and romantic than I am. He is also a bit more extroverted than me, so he is usually the one wanting to go out and do something fun while I'd prefer to stay in and do nothing. But, again, it's all about compromises, so we tend to make it even like: "Okay, Saturday we are going to the movies and dinner, then on Sunday, we can do our own stuff all day." And, that's basically how our relationship has been for the past 5 years and a half.

Things have changed a bit in the past 5 years; we live together now. Moving in with someone it's a big and difficult step for an INTJ because we value our privacy more than anything. At first, I was a bit nervous and uncomfortable about sharing my space with someone else. I liked the idea of having my room, and now I had to share not only the room but my bed with someone else?  Again, all about compromises, but also great communication and trust.

My boyfriend and I discussed everything, we don't hide anything from each other, it doesn't matter how uncomfortable the subject might be. Since I was feeling a bit uneasy about sharing my space with someone else, I was honest with him about my concerns.  After a long talk, we agreed to have separate bedrooms and when we wanted to be together, we just would be. We didn't need to sleep on the same bed or share the same room to express our love. 

So, yes. INFJ's and INTJ's are a great match and they can definitely make it work. But, if you are INFJ be ready to be patient with your partner and understanding about their need for alone time because they need it for their own sanity. And, if you are INTJ be ready to make compromises for that loved one, if you are in a relationship you are definitely going to have less time and space for yourself but with the right person, it's all worth it.